For those who know this is not about my attempt to get in the summer knitty, that’s a post for another day. This is about a day filled with extremes, some of the best and happiest things have happened to me and then some of the worst. So I’ll start with the good (which includes the knitting stuff) and then a major rant about some bad stuff that is making me upset and ruining what would be a very good day.
Ok so the good things, over at 1 knit.1 der there was a contest and as of right now I won a go knot pouch by entering a question and a picture in it. The question won and I’m happy, although I was kinda hoping that I would have won the best question but you can’t have anything in life. I am really excited about this though, I really enjoy winning it though, I hope I get a good color! Also on the good side, every week there’s a movie shown here on Campus and the streak of good movies that’s been going on continues. I saw HP again 2 weeks ago, Rent this last weekend and then next weekend it’s The Chronic(what)cles of Narnia (couldn’t help myself). And then there’s the knitting. I sat in fireside (think something like the student union) in a pool of sunshine and finished the first sleeve on Tubey today, and have about an inch on the second. So there is no gold medal for me, I mean I actually have like a…wooden medal or something. Like I said before though, I really like knitting it though, so I’m just happier.
except I’m not. Happy that is. I’m really, really not happy. It’s like 6th grade all over again. 6th grader was pretty much the worst year of my life. There was exclusion and pain and a lot of sitting alone at lunch so understandably I am very sensitive about being excluded like that ever again. It was the work of a very mean and cruel pair of girls who didn’t like me and decided that because we couldn’t all fit at a table at lunch I should go and sit alone. I don’t like to remember it, although it makes great material for times when I have to cry or write a college entrance essay. So then there’s today, when I was put in a very similar situation, which made me as unhappy and mad as it is possible to be. Soon it will be time to choose rooms and roommates for next year and so we’re (that is my group of friends) trying to figure out what we’re doing and I’m beginning to doubt how much I’m a part of that ‘we’. I’ve always doubted it but then once in a while I get something that makes me realize that I am or am not a part of things, maybe. So today I find out that we’re down to 4 people for a 6 person set of rooms (3 doubles but all together) and that one girl, who is playing the antagonist here, wants to maybe go down to a triple and leave yours truly out in the cold. That hurts, a lot, it wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t cut myself out of staying with my current roommate because we were all so sure that we would be rooming together. So she was like “do you have somewhere else to go?” and I really wanted to say “no you selfish jerk, you’re leaving me out in the cold, springing this on me suddenly and trying to satisfy yourself that you’re not hurting me when you are but I’m just too nice t tell you that you are.” but of course, I didn’t. We know (me and the antagonist)that we would be bad roommates, but all the good roommates are taken so I’m left with all these really uptight people when I’m super laid back and they all want to plan this now, as if there’s much they can do about it when they have over a month before anything really happens. This is a recipe for disaster anyway but it also causes me to be hurt and upset, which I didn’t want, need, ask for, or desire. I’m overreacting a bit, this is the same girl who is trying to figure out where the guys are rooming, when she can do absolutely nothing about it. So she’s just trying to settle things that she has no control over and a bunch of time to figure out now and it’s hurting me. Oh and I find out that this triple she had been talking about like it was a sure thing was absolutely fictional. Or at least she hadn’t even asked one of the girls yet, so she is doing this to me on an idea, which is mostly what worries me. I’m scared that she’ll just idea me out of a room where I want with a roommate I know. I mean really what am I supposed to do? Look for another place and then drop that when they decide they do want me? I can’t do that to someone else. Ok I now have something to think about, because it’s an impasse, I can’t make plans with two groups, I need to know if I’m rooming with them or else I can’t go, it’s just that simple. I know this was long and rambling, but I needed the cry and the chance to get the emotions and ideas out of my head before I had to face anything else.
So those are my extremes, something great and happy and something horrible and spirit-crushing. I’m going now, I need to get happy before work tonight.