Not feeling up to it

I’m blogging but I don’t feel up to it. Physically I’m fine but mentally it has just not been the best of days. A lot of trials and just general yuckyness. I don’t want to say much because it’s personal stuff, but it has to do with the total strangeness that is college. I have two homes you see. There’s school and the dorm and my friends there and we’re all happy and laughing and it’s not usually awkward because we’re all going through the same things. Here at home it’s a different story. They are all creatures of habit and I have no place in their circle. I’m used to change and randomness, so I have trouble internalizing that they are not as comfortable as I am. I don’t think this is unique, but I do think it’s unusual. Anyway the net result is that I really like being home, except that they make me feel like I’m an outsider and then every break is waaaay to long. It’s both very frustrating, because I can’t figure out what to do, and very upsetting because I don’t feel like I have a place in my family anymore. It makes me very sad and really eager to get on with my life. It’s going to be hard because I have 3 1/2 years of college left and then 3 years of law school before I can even get out of school. Then feel like my life starts, barring of course a successful breakthrough novel before I’m 22 (a.k.a. hell freezing over) in which case I’ll reconsider law school. The last few weeks it seems like all I want is a small apartment in New York and a salary high enough to let me rush Broadway and dress with some semblance of fashion. That’s kind of a lot, but I really want someplace that feels like home, which I frankly do not have right now. Which is why I am depressed.
(clicking heels together)
there’s no place like home
there’s no place like home
there’s no place like home



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